it official

Courtney hates me, im done.  Cant go on anymore, have a plan for this week.  No one will care anyways.  Just been hurt too many times now.  No purpose in life anymore.  When one of your kids doesn't want you in their life and you have no idea why then you must have been a shitty parent.  so will make it so everyone is better.

cant do it anymore

I just cant do it anymore, no matter how hard I try nobody seem to care.  Courtney she still isn't contacting us.  Do you know how hard it to have no contact with someone, whom you love so much.  My heart is so broken, I just want my girl back.  Then you have the other kid who seems to still think school is fucking joke.  Well you can only try so hard before you just say go ahead and wreck your fucking life.  I don't want to be here anymore, I just want to be with my parents in heaven.  Why do they just want to hurt me so much.  I thought I was a good mom.  I did so many things with them, I didn't spend unnecessary money on them, I spent time with them.  I don't do drugs, im not a drinker, im not a smoker.  I have always told them to treat people with respect and to think how you would like to be treated and that is how you should treat others.  I guess Im just a bad parent and now need to go to hell for the mistakes I must have made.  I cry myself to sleep every night, I need pills to sleep, and im still not really eating.  I cook for everyone else but don't eat it.  I just work, cry and sleep.  So may as well not even be here.

Just cant do it

I have raised 3 kids, life has not been perfect let me tell you.  But I did my best, I did so many things with them, spent so much time with them.  Told them everyday how much they were loved.  Then one day my daughter meets a boy who is messed up, she believes she can change him.  She is only 17 so what does she do she tells me she is going out, and she leaves with her stuff to move in with him.  He is on medicine for sociopath, he tried to stab my son, and made death threats to him, yet she still believes he is changed.  I went to just deliver a letter to her the other day, I didn't even see or speak to him.  My hubby and I talked to her told her we love her, miss her and want her to come home.  She hugged us and was crying.  Then we get home and the police call us and tell us we aren't allowed there.  Yet at the same time she told them she wants contact with us?  So if you aren't allowed there and you cant talk to him, then how do you have a proper relationship with your daughter, I don't know how to do this anymore.  I told her I love her last night by text and reminded her of an appointment.  This morning I said morning I love you.  She never texted back for like 12 hours so of course as a parent you worry.  So I simply asked her to text me and let me know if she was ok, cause I was worried.  She flipped at me, she has never been so rude to us till she met this guy and yet we are the ones that she says is doing everything wrong.  I just don't understand.  Im so hurt and don't know anymore, I haven't ate proper in two weeks, I haven't slept much.  Ive lost about 10 lbs in a week just from stress.  And she accuses me of it being all about me.  Im a worried mother all I was is a text every day to say hi mom, im ok how are you.  But apparently that is too much to ask.

lost daughter=broken hearted mom

Have no idea where I went wrong but my 17 year old daughter left us for a guy who is no good.  He is a druggie, and he has somehow brainwashed her that we are not needed in her life.  The past two weeks have been hell. Today I go there to give her a letter, and when I get home the cops call me telling me I cant go there anymore.  The fucking guy tried to stab my son a couple days ago and he even sent him death threats, yet my daughter can still not see the light.  I love her with all my heart and am so scared for her, I don't know where to turn or what to do anymore.  I'm falling apart, I don't know how much longer or if I even can hold it together anymore.  cops even say there is nothing I can do.  How do you protect your kids when you have no rights as a parent anymore. 

Wish she would realize that family is always there for you and no guy is worth destroying your family for.

Not really sure what I will blog about, but decided to try it.  I am into scrapbooking, cardmaking, photography, ice fishing and hiking in algonquin park.  My favorite store is the craft nook in bracebridge.  You check them out if you are ever in the area.