it official

Courtney hates me, im done.  Cant go on anymore, have a plan for this week.  No one will care anyways.  Just been hurt too many times now.  No purpose in life anymore.  When one of your kids doesn't want you in their life and you have no idea why then you must have been a shitty parent.  so will make it so everyone is better.

cant do it anymore

I just cant do it anymore, no matter how hard I try nobody seem to care.  Courtney she still isn't contacting us.  Do you know how hard it to have no contact with someone, whom you love so much.  My heart is so broken, I just want my girl back.  Then you have the other kid who seems to still think school is fucking joke.  Well you can only try so hard before you just say go ahead and wreck your fucking life.  I don't want to be here anymore, I just want to be with my parents in heaven.  Why do they just want to hurt me so much.  I thought I was a good mom.  I did so many things with them, I didn't spend unnecessary money on them, I spent time with them.  I don't do drugs, im not a drinker, im not a smoker.  I have always told them to treat people with respect and to think how you would like to be treated and that is how you should treat others.  I guess Im just a bad parent and now need to go to hell for the mistakes I must have made.  I cry myself to sleep every night, I need pills to sleep, and im still not really eating.  I cook for everyone else but don't eat it.  I just work, cry and sleep.  So may as well not even be here.